Acrimony and licking of wounds

You make it sound like I have given you a mixed message. Let me be clear then. I liked you as a friend and was very fond of all the things about you as I said in my letter. I fell for you. I knew that nothing could never happen while you were with someone, and was fairly sure you didn't feel the same about me. On top of which I was trying to come to terms with my marriage breaking down.

I hoped by telling you, that I could avoid putting you in situations where my wearing my heart on my sleeve might put you in an awkward situation. When I realised what I felt was more than just friendship I thought I might be misleading you. And I thought that would betray our friendship. And I wanted to offer you some kind of explanation for why I couldn't see you again for a while, rather than just coldly ignoring you.

I hoped eventually, that our friendship would recover. But your continued awkwardness (which you explained in the letter) left me wondering what was going on. My GUESS was MAYBE you felt something too, but you made clear that was not the case. NOT that it was your fault - I was just speculating, as I said. Because I couldn't come up with any explanation that would give a reason for your coldness, other than, as I said in the letter, the friendship not meaning much of anything to you. I was prepared for you not feeling the same - had already guessed as much. And saying that if things should change - well I never pretended I was not attracted to you. And if my guess was right then of course I would have wanted to be with you. But as I had tried to say in the beginning, mainly what I was sad about, and what I had hoped to restore was the friendship, which I thought meant something to both of us.

What I was not prepared for, and what hurt me more than anything was that you saying you did not value the friendship in the same way. You are right in that all along I have been trying to sound out some sort of reaction from you that might give me clue that I had not been completely mistaken in placing trust in our friendship. I didn't want to believe I had been so mistaken in it. Although I am very open, I don't give of myself willy nilly and I had shared and talked about things in the last 2 years that were very personal - I trusted you. I feel the things you said betrayed that trust - made me feel used and a convenient support or social connection when you didn't know anyone else - one that you were "disappointed" but not much fussed about losing. That is what has hurt the most.

If I had had any idea that you felt anything sorrowful at all about what happened, maybe that might have helped, although I can't figure out what hurts you about something you do not care about.

So now we are both angry and hurting - and I think the blame lies with each of us for not having this conversation 6 months ago. And I agree the best solution will be to have nothing more to do with each other and let the hurts heal.