The Adulterous Recollection

When your heart feels black and broken, and the silence is killing you…

Remember the countless silences.
You asked for clarity, for mercy for friendship
So many times and were met with cold silence.
Love curtained your heart, blanketed the coldness and the truth, Kept you hoping against hope
And forgiving in spite of the pain.

Remember how many times you were ignored, cold shouldered; Presents put back – gestures of affection, of friendship - rejected.
Remember that your fondness for everything about her
Did not enable her to find even one thing about you to be fond of. Not a single thing.

She said that she was hurt (but not devastated)...
Remember.
The friendship meant a lot to her (but more to you)...
Remember.
She was upset that you could not be so close (but not as upset as you)...
Remember.

Remember that she was more concerned about the past
Than about what the present friendship was worth.

Ten stories is not high enough to surmount the wall
She has built between you. Remember that.
The only thing that could ever climb it now
Would be her love for you.

And remember, remember that
She never has, does not, and cannot ever envisage
Feeling that way about you.
Should her circumstances change,
You are not who she wants.

Oh and then remember, as they nail the coffin shut,
What you are feeling now?
How she made you feel?
You have done this to your wife.
Who are you to recollect and beg for mercy?